A Touch of Grey

The next time you're depressed, things are fucked and seem hopeless consider this. And remember you'll get by.

 

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 "Touch Of Grey"

Must be getting early
Clocks are running late
Paint by number morning sky looks so phony
Dawn is breaking everywhere
Light a candle, curse the glare
Draw the curtains, I don't care 'cause it's alright

I will get by
I will get by
I will get by
I will survive

I see you've got your fist out
Say your piece and get out
Yes, I get the gist of it, but it's alright
Sorry that you feel that way
The only thing there is to say
Every silver lining's got a touch of grey

I will get by
I will get by
I will get by
I will survive

It's a lesson to me
The Ables and the Bakers and the Cs
The ABCs we all must face
Try to keep a little grace

It's a lesson to me
The Deltas and the East and the Freeze
The ABCs we all think of
To try to win a little love

I know the rent is in arrears
The dog has not been fed in years
It's even worse than it appears, but it's alright
Cow is given kerosene
Kid can't read at seventeen
The words he knows are all obscene, but it's alright

I will get by
I will get by
I will get by
I will survive

The shoe is on the hand it fits
There's really nothing much to it
Whistle through your teeth and spit 'cause it's alright
Oh, well, a touch of grey, kind of suits you anyway
That's was all I had to say, but it's alright

I will get by
I will get by
I will get by
I will survive

We will get by
We will get by
We will get by
We will survive

Video: The Grateful Dead. Touch of Grey Album
Source: Grateful Dead - YouTube

Adult Children of Alcoholics

During my web-wanderings yesterday I found myself in an ACA meeting. Now both of my parents are dead but, if my mother was still alive, I'd be one. I guess that would make me an exACA.

If they had been around a decades earlier or if I'd have known about them earlier,  a number of decades would probably have been much different.

Their shares got me to thinking about my past relationship with my mother and her alcoholism. And my sons and my alcoholism. And the fellowship of AA.

I can't count the number of times I would tell / ask her to "Just stop"and her replying, "I can't just stop" or "You just don't understand" or both. I also can't count the many times that conversation was repeated between my wife or sons and myself.

As I observed, I began thinking, these people understand. I suddenly had an understanding of my own. An epiphany even. This was the secret. The magic of "Two drunks talking".

Consider this strange scenerio. Two people are talking. One speaks and understands English. Call her Mom.The other speaks but does not understand English. Call him Ed. They are trying to discuss Mom's alcoholism. Ed is not an alcoholic. Ed is asking Mom to just stop, quit. Mom hears and understands his request, his plea. Mom tries to tell him how much she wants to grant his request. And that it's just not that easy a request to grant. And why. 

Ed hears the sounds she's making and sees her lips move but, he doesn't understand the meaning of the words, the concept she's trying to convey. She tries over and over to explain. In different words. to no avail. Ed simply doesn't understand. In fact, he can't and probably never will.

Many, many years down the road. Mom is dead and Ed is now an alcoholic. He is reflecting on a conversation with his son. It's pretty much like all the ones he had with Mom. He realizes he'll probably never be able to explain and decides to just soldier on. Trying to do the best he can with what hes got.

Then Mom reaches out from beyond the grave. She's saying. " That's all you can do. That's all I could do. You're right, he'll probably never understand. But now you do. And hope with all you have that he never comes to understand the way you came to understand." 

That's the magic. It's not really two drunks talking. It's two people. Talking, hearing, and listening with a common language. And a common subject.

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Adult Children of Alcoholics Meeting Search - Adult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional Families or chat at recoveryllama

If you're an alcoholic trying to explain to your kid, you might want to point them out. Or that kid. Or a friend that cares. You might want to check them out.  It might help. certainly can't hurt.

After all, they do speak your language

ATARAXIA

 

 

 

Here are five thoughts on ataraxia from the The Meditations by Marcus Aurelius
* You have power over your mind—not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.
* If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.
* The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts.
* It is not death that a man should fear, but never beginning to live.
* Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking.

Just Because It's Monday

 

It's called

 "Something Beautiful"

 

 

Written and produced by Seth Andrews TheThinkingAtheist - YouTube

Spoken by Nathan Phelps. The son of Fred Phelps, he of the famed Westboro Baptist Church

Seth Andrews and Nathan Phelps both serious Christians for a very large part of their lives, turned atheist. If they can change, you certainly can.  It's something to think about the next time self-doubt ( or Can I really do this?) creeps up on you.

My H.P.

 A question that comes up from time to time is,  do I have / what is my Higher Power?" Until recently, I was never quite satisfied with my answer. I knew what I wanted to say, I just didn't know how to say it. Until now.

First I came across this;

  Oh how we want to put our faith in something out there—a lover who stays infatuated, a friend who will always listen, a bank account that never says “funds not available” and a program that shows us the light and the way. We want it so badly that we put people on pedestals, we kneel at the altar of false gods and we set our course for the future as the time and the place where we will be worry-free and wanting for nothing. Putting something, someone or some place on a pedestal invites wishful thinking and it allows us to delegate blame. What do they call today’s expectations? We call them premeditated resentments or disappointments; but don’t worry, it won’t be our fault.

With maturity we look inward for solutions from our voice of reason. Most addiction is borne of something that we think is lacking inside of us. We searched and searched for the right something to fill the hole. It was never enough, but we somehow believed that everything would be OK. Our escape from reality would protect us and the harmful consequences would never be faced. But if our addiction didn’t fill the hole, how would cutting off the supply fill the void? Many of us tried the program and fellowship, putting the Twelve & Twelve bus to happy destiny on probation. Becoming dependent on fellowship is less harmful than process or substance abuse, but are we setting ourselves up to say to the fellowship, upon our first setback, “You lied to me. How can I ever trust you again?”

We can’t cure addiction with a better artificial outside agent. The answers we seek come from within. The great thing about fellowships and programs is that they provide the experience, kinship and change of scenery that we need while we get our shit together. But they aren’t the answer. The experience of others will help us find our own answers and chart our own course in recovery.

Am I acquainted, or reacquainted, with a voice inside that I can trust? It shouldn’t be new to me. In my addiction, didn’t I always have a voice inside that asked me, “Who do you think you’re kidding?”

 From: Beyond Belief: Agnostic Musings for 12 Step Life  Link goes to Rebellion Dogs Publishing. There's free 100 page sample of the book there.  Recommended.

Then, I came across this;

At a recent meeting on Step 3. I shared;

Well, I didn't turn my will or my life over to the care of anything. I did, however, make a commitment to listen very closely to that Voice.

That Voice. You know, the one in the back of your mind. the one that says, "Yeah, that's a good idea", or "might work, try it" or "This isn't worth the time or energy" or "Who the hell do you think you're kidding"?"

For upon reflection, that voice rarely steered me wrong. When I LISTENED. Especially the "This isn't worth the time or energy" or "Who the hell do you think you're kidding"?" Voice.

My HP? The Voice

Serenity Prayers ?

 A.A. version;
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.

Can't do it. I can't. I won't. i wil not ask a Thing that apparently denied me those attributes in the first place to change it's mind.

For those of similiar attitudes, I offer the following for consideration.

"Brain, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference".

Or: "Self, remember. The serenity to accept I can't drink anymore. The courage to not seek and turn down a drink when offered. And the wisdom to realize, these are the new rules"

Or: "Remember. The serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me"

Or: "Today I will be serene enough to accept the things I cannot change; to have the courage to change the things I can, to have the wisdom to know the difference, and to have another day in the light of recovery".
*************
Serenity is not granted. It is earned and learned. It must be worked for. And maintained.  Granted, the work is not hard. And gets easier with time. But, the work and maintenance never ends.
*************
BTW. "Ah,Fuck it", is a fine tool for maintaining serenity.
*************
Oh yes, the original:
"Father, give us courage to change what must be altered, serenity to accept what cannot be helped, and the insight to know the one from the other."

"I'm Gonna Stop Drinking"

I came 'round this morning
And I was feelin' like hell
Telephone exploded
I went, oh, that bell

It sounded so loud in my head
I actually thought I was dead

Yeah, OK, bye
Leave me be
I'm gonna lay down and cry
I get this feelin' every time that I'm dry

Just hand me three fingers
And the longer it lingers
I begin to feel high

All that I need is that friend in my hand
And I'm fine
Don't want no lemonade
First aid, no water or wine

All I need is spirit
Here's my glass
Will you please fill it
I'm not gonna spill it

Just give me time to readjust me
Why does no one seem to trust me
Well why don't you come along if you like
And you can bust me

But all I want is spirit
Here's my glass, please fill it
Don't worry I ain't gonna spill it, no no

All that I need is that friend in my hand
And I'm fine
Don't want no lemonade
First aid, no water or wine

So don't try to trick me
Into thinking I'm gonna get better some day
All you gotta do is
Give me that friend in my hand
And I'm gonna show you all the way

I'm gonna stop drinking
I know what you're thinking
But I'm gonna stop drinking
Some day

From: "Malice in Wonderland" by Paice, Ashton & Lord 

Video from:  Celebrating Jon Lord - The Rock Legend - YouTube

Instructions

Invictus

 

 

Out of the night that covers me,   
  Black as the Pit from pole to pole,   
I thank whatever gods may be   
  For my unconquerable soul.   

In the fell clutch of circumstance
  I have not winced nor cried aloud.   
Under the bludgeonings of chance   
  My head is bloody, but unbowed.   

Beyond this place of wrath and tears   
  Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years   
  Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.   

It matters not how strait the gate,   
  How charged with punishments the scroll,   
I am the master of my fate:
  I am the captain of my soul.

 

William Ernest Henley - 1849-1903

Maybe Later

Awhile back I was talking to a person who had just returned after a relapse. One of those common things. Damn few that I've ever heard of just put it down and stopped. Anyway, they were having trouble getting restarted and asked about my journey from my last relapse. My side of the conversion was something like this.

Where I live, liquor sales stop between 1:30 AM until 6:00 AM. For a time I lived for 1:30 AM. It meant 4.5 hours I could relax. I didn't have to sweat it out. I couldn't ever if I wanted to. The other 19.5 might be hell but, I could look forward to 1:30. All I had to do was maintain until then. In AA it's one day, 24 hours at a time. I managed to cheat it down.

After awhile. A week, 10 days, 2 weeks? Hell, I don't really remember, awhile. I got to feeling better. And that thirst came back. Big time. Now, I don't drive. I walk. And liquor is about an hour round trip. To the store, purchase, and back.

I felt better but, I didn't feel that much better. And I was torn anyway. I decided, later, when I feel better.

When I felt better. But less thirsty. I still wanted it. Not as much. But still. I said to myself, “Self, that's too damn far and it's too damn cold. Maybe later.” And Self agreed. I made lazy my advantage.

And for a very long time after. When that thirst came upon me, Self and I still agreed, “Maybe later”.

Later on. When I was already in a store with liquor and I thought I was thirsty. It became, “Not now. Maybe later”

I call it the “Maybe later method”. It's worked for me so far.

 

Thanks to Mack, for the conversation. Another case of two alcoholics talking.

Ted Talks on Alcohol

Sobriety Rocks - Who Knew?

How I Overcame Alcoholism

TED talks about Alcohol

30 Days Without Drinking

   

30 days without drinking alcohol will do this to your body. Here's a timeline on what happens to your body as soon as you put down the bottle.

 

This is via YouTube Channel; Curiosity

Reasons to Drink

 

From the movie "Come Fill the Cup". So succinct  and accurate. Makes you wonder that the screenwriter might have had an intimate relationship with the subject.