Tʜᴇ Fɪʀsᴛ, Fɪʀsᴛ Sᴛᴇᴘ

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I opened the door and walked into the room, the first to arrive. Across from me, displayed on the wall were the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, and as I read that first step, it got my attention. It was the perfect description of my situation and my life at that moment, and just reading the words filled me with a sense of relief.

We admitted we were powerless over alcohol — that our lives had become unmanageable.

My drinking had been out of control for several years and my life reached a point where it became not only impossible but frightening. I was twenty-five years old and since about the age of 19, I considered the possibility that I was an alcoholic, but I always dismissed the idea as ridiculous. I was too young or so I thought. Yet, when I read that step, the label “alcoholic” didn’t seem to matter any longer, because the statement at least in my case was true and very applicable. I was powerless over alcohol and my life was certainly unmanageable.

As I was contemplating the words before me, a man walked into the room with a pot of coffee and introduced himself. He was very kind to me, and as others began filtering into the room, he introduced me to them. I remember thinking that everyone seemed so well put together, so successful, so normal.

The meeting started with somebody reading the Steps, and then they gave me a First Step Meeting. They told my story through their own. One man recounted the shame he felt when his wife and young daughters went to the police station to get him out of jail. Although my circumstances were different, I understood and could relate to the feelings of shame and guilt that he expressed.

They suggested I come back, to try ninety meetings in ninety days, to not drink one day at a time, to call someone before I drank, and to not drink no matter what, that even if my ass were to fall off, I was to pick it up and get my ass to a meeting. I knew I was in the right place

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